Sunday, November 1, 2009

First, an update

As I type this, I'm hearing Dave Matthews sing Daniel Lanois' "The Maker." I know this song from Jerry Band. It's so sweet to hear. I just emailed myself the chords.

I'm sitting on my couch, almost 4 pm, on the first day of Daylight Savings. It's been a gorgeous day. I sorta feel like taking a nap, but I doubt I will. I'm glad to be writing.

So let's see, what's there to update?

Let me first day that I have absolutely loved working this book so far! I'm on Week 4 and it's been a great week so far. I had my Artist's Date at the Airstream dealership in Buda

which was a blast. And the next day I got to scribble and finger paint and put stickers on a wall. It was utter joy on freedom, filled with gratitude. And a joy as I felt the impression spread throughout the house. It seemed to extend directly from this work. So, thanks!

I also am seeing myself shift out of people-pleasing more and more. These are the things I'm looking at cutting out:

- people pleasing
- shoulds
- guilt

I have a lifetime of such things to unwind, but I'm thrilled with the beginnings. Today I had a gorgeous morning at a coffee shop eating breakfast (missing reading!) and working on a task from this week's homework. I've been wanting to get to the gym for a full-on workout because I've settled for little walks - or less - many days this week, and it's not feeling good. So a friend messaged and asked if I could meet her for a stroll. It was tempting, being a gorgeous day, and since I was in the area (I didn't tell her that, thought). And I watched myself contemplate it and then say, "No, I've really been wanting to go to the gym right now," and I did. Success!

I'm learning a lot about what I've agreed to do that I don't really want to do. Not the greatest thing to do and sometimes slippery to get out of, but beautiful to be distinguishing. I'm grateful for this training, this permission - amazing to consider that I would need such a thing! - to live how I want to live.

I'm getting totally munched by mosquitoes as I sit here on my couch. It's irritating as shit, but I don't want to close the door (they're all inside already) and I don't want to spray shit on my skin, so . . .

I'm also hopeful that some of this aggravated feeling is actually my period coming on, seeing as how I'm on day 38 or something like that of my cycle. I mean, come on!

Is this all related? Probably.

And what of the reading deprivation?

Well, I haven't opened any books nor allowed myself any snippets of audio books that have shuffled through my world. I've looked at two types of email: ones related to the rally I helped with this weekend and lusty ones. Oh wait, I read my Diamond topic too and passed it on to my Diamond guests.

I've taken the occasional glace at my Facebook page but haven't allowed myself to idly scan others' pages.

So all in all, I feel like that's a huge success. I felt a little guilty about reading the lusty emails, but I also saw that fighting that didn't seem to be helping. And I did have a few days off on the front end. :-) Maybe I'll get a few days on the back end, too.

I do feel tempted to look in the emails to see about how I can save on my car insurance and what's up with my Landmark dating profile that I'd forgotten I even had. But I also feel it can all wait and be handled all at once.

And in a way it was good that I peeked because one of my musicians canceled on me for my rally and I wouldn't have known it had I not snuck a peek at my FB that day. I made him all sorts of wrong for emailing rather than calling. But shoot, I've been a chicken plenty of times myself.

Okay, so next I'm going to post my Artist's Prayer that I had the pleasure of writing and reciting this week. And then I'll post my letter from me at eighty. Delightful.

With gratitude and much curiosity,


No comments:

Post a Comment